The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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