it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
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There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
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Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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