and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
