girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
