Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
don't judge my taste in strippers
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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