I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
