never play flip cup with pint glasses
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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