if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
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