You smell like a Billy Joel song
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
We just shotgunned beers for America
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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