he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
