What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
