Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i just sent this text using only my big toe
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
