Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
