you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
