did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
