i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
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