she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
