Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Slut skills are useful in every country.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
