he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
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