My nipple is on Facebook.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Randomize
