i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
