Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
