i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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