she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
