he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
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All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
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They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
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