I wanna passion pit in your ass
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Randomize
