You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
