I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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