How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
