i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
if only i could text you this smell
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
