Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Randomize
