a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
