I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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