So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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