I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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