i just had sex bonerless
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
You need Xanax blowdarts
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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