so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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