I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
