If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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