We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
