I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
