I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
