You smell like stripper and shame
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
