Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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