Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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