Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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