Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
