I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
