u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
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