I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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