Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
