Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
