So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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