why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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