i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
