I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
