she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
The air was thick with penises
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
