I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
