I hate your face
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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