i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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