I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
